Earlier I went ‘in’, feeling kind of desperate: Show me what to do next, I feel so lost. Instantly, I heard: You have the power of words. Use them. You see with words. Use that. You create with words. Do that.
Well, here’s the thing: I do know what’s going on. I feel lost because I so resist the flow. And I resist the flow because I’m freaked-out scared. Earlier this year, in another (shamanic) journey, I saw all these beavers building dams, stemming the flow. Everything got flooded, muddied, squelchy and treacherous. Because I am scared of where ‘flow’ might take me. For all my protestations, I feel the first waves of Old Age nipping at my heels, with fear following in their wake. I am scared of what might lie ahead. All those changes. A failing body, a too-big house, those I love getting ill, maybe being left on my own, maybe unable to cope, my child and his family living in a country I can’t currently move back to. Everything kind of threatful. Woe is me!
Actually, woe is not me. Here’s another version of the future: Me, in my full power, writing, blogging, translating, editing, creating content on and off-line, being right here, in my strongest, most authentic life. I have the power of energy medicine and herbal allies at my disposal, I walk through life with my beloved, with our animals, and with all my non-physical kin by my side, I have close family and friends around me, be that physically or virtually. We live downstairs in our hexenhouse, we’ve turned upstairs into a self-contained flat for one or two lovely people who help with maintenance in exchange for a very reasonable rent. Or maybe a family member living up there, or a friend… who knows? Or maybe we’ll move on to somewhere smaller as and when that feels like a good option. Or throw our lot in with like-minded people, buy a plot of land out in the sticks and build our own neighbourhood. Or we’ll sell up, put whatever stuff we intend to keep into storage, and travel around Europe in a camper van… We have options. We are prosperous, we are safe, we are joyful and creative and silly. We grow wiser and more powerful with every passing year. And weirder, and wilder: We are who we are, only more so.
Oh yes – that feels one hell of a lot better! The power of words …
Gitta Wolf 