Welcome to my world!
That’s me in my ‘garden office’ where I hang out during the summer, weather permitting. After more than 30 years in England, I’m back in the beautiful Siebengebirge near Bonn, Germany, within spitting distance of where I was born and raised.
I’m a writer and translator. Also a mother and grandmother, wife, sister and friend – and an explorer of the vibrational field that connects everything, a student and practitioner of shamanism and Buddhist traditions, a lover of animals, herbs and wild flowers, energy psychology, stories, mantras and poetry, and of course my English and German families, and my friends old and new. A voracious life-long learner, it took me a while to accept that I am also a teacher of sorts – I gather information and experiences with the intention of combining them in ways that make sense to me, and offer them out so that others may use them in ways that make sense to them.
Writing is a bit like breathing for me – so natural I hardly even notice it, and utterly vital…
I was fortunate to grow up in a house full of books and when I was 12 and first had a room of my own I began writing a journal. I still do. Makes me feel grounded, clears my head, shows me when I’m off course and helps me find beauty and appreciation instead of focusing on the chaos I sometimes create around me. I spend a lot of time with my nose in books: those I’m reading are strewn all over the house, as are index cards with notes for those I’m in the process of writing.
For some reason, pursuing writing as a career never occurred to me. I dropped out of high school at age 16, trained in a ‘proper job’, hated it, left, and embarked on some kind of odyssey to try and find my place in the world. In my early twenties, after a brief and pointless marriage, I sold all my worldly goods and moved to England, entirely on trust: I just knew I needed to live there and that it would be all right. And it was. Tough and challenging, but also delightful and often downright miraculous. I co-raised a wonderful son, had many different jobs and eventually an enjoyable career, met some truly amazing people, made some good friends, found my beloved, shared my various houses with lots of gorgeous cats and two beautiful dogs. But wherever I was I always felt ‘temporary’, always on the look-out for the next new thing, as though moving to yet another town or job would finally make me feel centred. I couldn’t name what exactly I was searching for, though I knew it had to do with the concept of ‘home’ and ‘belonging’. And then I came full circle.
I didn’t know it at the time but following the impulse to return to where I originated from put a stop to that manic need to keep running: I was ‘home’ in ways that had eluded me all my life. Home, as it turned out, isn’t just locational. Rebuilding my relationship with my mother during her final years was a major part of my homecoming. Finding a modern-day shaman (www.die-kraftreise.de) who guided me back to the old ways – some of which I’d lived by all my life, not quite knowing what they connected me to but feeling a deep connection anyway – was another type of homecoming. Finally accepting myself as I am, that’s part of it, too. So that now, with the incessant search for home no longer driving me, I am able to sift through the treasures I’ve gathered during my life so far and turn them into words, and flow them out into the world, and continue to learn new things, and meet others who are on similar journeys… there is no limit. Everything just continues to unfold in astonishing ways.
Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. —George Bernard Shaw