I’ve been thrashing about for the best part of a week. I thought that things would be clear and focused now that my first ‘real’ book is out, plus the new website, the blog, the Facebook page – but instead I am more confused than ever. What is there to blog about, to write about? What is my niche? How does it all connect? What am I doing this for? I wake up at 4:30 am with all this stuff churning around my mind, my beloved meditation time is a nightmare of poor-little-me thoughts leaping at me from everywhere, I can’t find any calm, any respite.
Two coffees later I’m listening to Abraham-Hicks on YouTube, randomly clicking into one of the many videos, and there it is: “What do you want that you feel you don’t have access to?” (I’m not making this up!) They talk about how knowing what you don’t want – in my case, confusion – automatically means you know what you do want – in my case, focus and clarity – because it’s simply the other end of the stick you’ve picked up. And just like every stick has two ends, every ‘don’t want’ has a ‘do want’ as its opposite. But here’s the thing: you can’t get to the ‘do want’ end of the stick while you’re clutching the ‘don’t want’ end of it. They also say, don’t ask ‘how’ because ‘how’ practically always brings up obstacles. Instead ask ‘why’, which is an altogether softer approach. And they say, look for answers that bring you closer to what you want. You’ll know them by how it feels: always trust how it feels!
In my early-morning kitchen, desperate for clarity (and another coffee), I think OK then, I’ll give it a go. I visualize the Clarity Stick I’m holding. No prizes for guessing which end I’m clutching! I want clarity but how?? There must be some purpose to this, but I can’t seem to find it. I know I’m a writer but how does that make anything better in the grand scheme of things? OH. ‘How’ does that make me feel? Miserable. Not good. Let’s try the ‘why’ approach, see if that makes me feel better.
Why do I want clarity? Because I’m running out of time (that makes me feel anxious – still clutching the ‘don’t want’ end of the stick, evidently!), because I want something to show for all those years on the planet (see above – anxious!), because if I can’t write I am pointless (lots more anxiety…). This is not working.
And then it clicks in: Let go of the stick, just drop it. Take a deep breath, and another. Stretch up towards the sky, bend down to touch the ground. Take another deep breath. You’ve done the hard bit – you’ve let go of what you don’t want. Smile. Shake your hands out. And now, walk to the other end of the stick and pick that up. What do you see? What do you feel? I write from the heart. I write words of encouragement and empowerment and vulnerability. I reach out, I share what I know. Some people resonate with it and it nudges them out of feeling stuck towards hope and daring to change. I share my take on the worlds we live in, the ordinary and non-ordinary levels of existence. I’ll know what to share and when and how, I’ll just keep doing the next better-feeling thing, and the next… See? That wasn’t so hard… Every time you find yourself clutching the ‘don’t want’ end of a stick, remember this process. You’re welcome. Now get on with it – start your day!
And there you have it. I feel lots better… Here’s wishing you a wonderful day – and if it’s not, you can always drop that stick and pick up the ‘do want’ end!